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‘Enjoy Your Peanuts and Tax Cuts’
This year alone we’ve seen the release of White House tell-alls from the writer Michael Wolff, the fired Trump aide Omarosa Manigault Newman and now the famed journalist Bob Woodward — whose new book, “Fear,” includes humiliating accounts of President Trump’s frayed leadership. The book drew a defensive rebuke from the president on Wednesday.
Trevor Noah said this is all big news — but nearly two years into Trump’s presidency, it’s hard for anything to surprise him. After showing a clip of an NBC reporter calling the Woodward book a “bombshell,” Noah said it felt more like the norm.
“Obviously, all of this stuff is crazy, but at some point I think we’ve got to stop saying it’s a ‘bombshell.’ I mean, Trump is just doing a lot more Trump than we thought he would. But it’s not a bombshell. The day it comes out that Trump secretly works out and reads Shakespeare and teaches kids how to code, that’s when we can call it a bombshell.” — TREVOR NOAH
Another sort-of-bombshell: On Wednesday, The New York Times published an anonymous Op-Ed article by a senior Trump administration official who wrote that people in the president’s own administration are devoted to undermining him and “thwarting Mr. Trump’s more misguided impulses.”
Jaded though he is, Noah said he was disturbed by some parts of the Op-Ed.
In one passage, the writer contends that members of the administration considered using the 25th Amendment to remove Trump from office, but decided against it to avoid “a constitutional crisis.”
“Trump is such a danger to America that his cabinet thought about using the 25th Amendment to remove him from office — but then they decided not to use it because it would be too messy? The 25th Amendment is there so that you can use it! It’s like there’s a sign that says, ‘In case of emergency, break glass,’ but then these guys are like, ‘I mean, we could break the glass but then there would be glass everywhere. I mean, maybe we can just try to steer the fire in a different direction? It’s less dramatic, yeah, let’s talk to it.’” — TREVOR NOAH
The article’s author sought to reassure readers by saying, “Americans should know that there are adults in the room,” but Noah was not convinced.
“That doesn’t make me feel any better. Because before this, I knew there was turbulence, but now someone just came on the P.A. system and was like, ‘Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the pilot is actively trying to crash the plane. But don’t be alarmed! We’re doing everything we can to stop him. Mikey’s got a pretty good chokehold, and I’ve said some pretty harsh words. So please keep your seatbelts fastened and enjoy your peanuts and tax cuts.’ This is wild!” — TREVOR NOAH
Jimmy Fallon started “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday dressed up as Trump, addressing the Woodward book from behind the president’s desk in the Oval Office.
Later on, during his monologue, Fallon joked that he could see a silver lining around all these bombshells.
“Between Woodward and Omarosa’s books, Trump has done something incredible: He’s made America read again.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Woodward’s book is about working for Trump, and it’s called ‘Fear: Trump in the White House.’ It actually was the second choice for the title, because ‘The Baby-Sitters Club’ was already taken.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (R.B.G. Edition)
“Today, confirmation hearings continued for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. At one point, a protester screamed, ‘Sham president, sham justice!’ Then security escorted Ruth Bader Ginsburg out of the room. They were like, ‘That’s too much.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“After reading this thing, I don’t know whether to be reassured or even more scared than before. So I think I’ll go with: reassured that I was right to be so scared.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to the Trump administration official’s Op-Ed
The Bits Worth Watching
Colton Underwood, 26, the new star of “The Bachelor,” says he’s never had sex before because he’s “waiting for the right person, the right heart.” Jimmy Kimmel’s response: “I admire that, I think that’s great. It’s totally weird. But it’s nice.”
Safe to say this semi-elaborate joke didn’t take much preparation.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Paul McCartney had a viral moment earlier this summer as a Carpool Karaoke-singing guest on James Corden’s “Late Late Show.” On Thursday, he’ll return to late-night TV with another host who’s been known to croon a few tunes: Fallon.