Colbert cited the New Yorker article as he taunted Moonves.
“A television executive says that she entered Moonves’s office to discuss a work matter, and he said that he was going to get a glass of wine. He left briefly, and when he returned, she said, he was not wearing pants — and was aroused. Wow, that’s an impressive way to open a bottle of wine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Then he made a backhanded reference to Louis C.K.’s recent return to the stage, less than a year after being publicly accused of sexual impropriety.
“Anyway, the article is extremely disturbing, and I’m not surprised that that’s it. Les Moonves is gone. For at least nine months, until he does a set at the Comedy Cellar.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Trump and the Op-Ed
As the fallout continues from the anonymous Op-Ed article in The New York Times by a senior official in the Trump administration, Vice President Mike Pence said over the weekend that he was willing to take a lie-detector test to prove he wasn’t the author. Jimmy Kimmel, for one, thinks Pence would pass.
“Of course he would take a lie-detector test. Those tests measure changes in a person’s pulse and breathing patterns — two things amphibious creatures like Mike Pence don’t have.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Trevor Noah heralded the return of President Barack Obama to the campaign trail. He’s excited to watch Obama and President Trump engage in a war of words in the coming weeks.
“It’s onnnn! President Obama versus President Trump. The leader versus the tweeter. ‘Yes we can’ versus ‘way too tan!’” — TREVOR NOAH
Colbert said he was happy to see Obama back, but he was going to have to recover from a sense of abandonment.
“Where have you been! You said you were just going out for cigarettes! The guy you left us with made us picture him getting spanked!” — STEPHEN COLBERT, huddled on the ground, and referring to an unsavory detail in Stephanie Clifford’s account of her alleged affair with Trump
The Punchiest Punchlines (Musk Edition)
“How do you even know if Elon Musk is high? Because even when he’s sober he’s like, ‘You know what we should do? We should go to Mars.’” — TREVOR NOAH, responding to reports that Elon Musk smoked marijuana on a late-night webcast
“I heard about a college student in Canada who had emailed everyone at his school named Nicole, Nikki, Nicolette and Nic trying to find the woman he met at a bar. Meanwhile, the woman he met is like, ‘Phew, thank God I gave him a fake name, he sounds kind of crazy.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Seth Meyers took a dive into the revelations in Bob Woodward’s new book, “Fear,” and the White House’s response.
Jimmy Kimmel spoke to a woman and her family after she was videotaped giving birth in a moving car (it made the rounds online, of course). Then Kimmel gave her a much-needed present.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, a longtime friend of Colbert, will return to “The Late Show” on Tuesday.